Parenting or child rearing is the process of promoting and supporting the physical, emotional, social, financial, and intellectual development of a child from infancy to adulthood. Parenting refers to the aspects of raising a child aside from the biological relationship.- Whether you have a child or not, you can be a parent.
-Parenting test your stamina, your emotions, and at times your sanity.
-If you really want to know how sane you are, try parenting a child.
A changed society starts with a changed home, and there cannot be a changed home if there is no effective parenting.
Parenting is intentional, and training our children is an important key to a sane society.
Parenting is not a title. It is a call to a noble responsibility. However, it has become the most neglected responsibility in the world.
Effective parenting must be intentional. No one parents effectively by accident. Good parents do not leave the job to chance; they work hard to prepare themselves for parenthood.
Many a time, we have just a father and mother, and not REAL PARENTS.
You can be a father or mother and still not be a parent; because a parent is one who has the most influence in a child's life.
Anyone that influences your child the most is your child's real parent and not you.
Children need role models and values to believe, and a community to belong to.
Once the parents are not available to influence these in their lives and take responsibility of the role model, I see such a child as an ORPHAN.
As a parent, your influence shapes and forms their character.
According to Taiwo Akinlami, "an orphan is not a child who has lost both biological parents. An orphan is a child whose parents are not available to play their parenting roles."
It does not matter whether the parents are dead or alive.
Parents cannot pass on to their children what they do not possess themselves. You cannot live one way and tell your children to live another way.
Children learn more from examples than they do from words, especially if the examples and words do not agree.
The proof of effective parenting is seen in how our children behave in our absence.
Now let me share with us a few strategies for becoming an effective parent.
One of the most decisive factors in managing a child's behavior is the relationship between adult and child.
The stronger the relationship, the easier the communication and the greater the respect between the two.
Children who are genuinely loved and respected by their parent/teacher will bend over backward to please that parent/teacher and easily cooperate with them.
In times of adversity, it is the trust between adult and child that will give the child the courage, belief and strength to listen and follow the advice of the adult.
It is the quality of the relationship between the adult and child that is one of the biggest influences on behavioural outcomes.
So, here are a few strategies for becoming an effective parent;
1). Increase Quality Family Time:
Allocate planned time in the day and week to spend with your child. Genuine quality time is a block of planned time, big or small, spent together in the name of fun and friendship.
Do whatever you need to do to create space in your busy week so that this 'down time' can occur.
Laugh together, chat together, play around, make jokes - show your fun side. This closeness will serve you well later when you need your child to cooperate with you.
2). Develop a New Patience:
You're demonstrating to your child, each and every day how to respond and cope with challenges.
Focus on how you're responding to issues, how patient you are when dealing not only with your child, but with those around you.
Consciously make the decision to increase the amount of time in the heat of the moment, that you stay calm.
Develop more empathy for your child's perspective.
Commit to starting each day as a new day and avoid taking yesterday's problems or issues into the next day.
Note: Recycling is good for the garbage collection, not for parenting.
3). Develop a sense of humor and don't take things so personally:
Humorous and funny people are viewed with affection. This means being firm, consistent and strong in your parenting - but also smiling, laughing and seeing the fun side of things.
Teach yourself to have a sense of humor, and everyone around you will enjoy being with you, and all will benefit.
4) Initiate Random Acts of Love and kindness:
Spend a little time and effort making a list of things you could do each week to demonstrate your love to your child. Here are a few ideas;
-A little note in the lunch box to say 'I love you'
-A list on the fridge of all the things you admire about your child.
-A hug for nothing.
-A cuddle during your TV time together, etc.
Just be creative!!
Showing and demonstrating your love to your child is so powerful and will never be forgotten.
Love your child(ren) inspite of what they do; not because of what they do
5). Implement a 'No-Yelling in Anger' policy for the family:
No matter how often you raise your voice at your child, responding to children in anger is a form of toxic behavior management.
It is damaging and will work against you, your child and your child's behavior.
Any behavior management approach that tries to keep children under control through yelling is counter productive for children learning about behavior, being respectful and having self control.
Parents who react with high emotions are teaching their children that yelling is a valid way to problem-solve.
As a parent, you're teaching your child each and every day through the way you respond to others, react, behave, and problem-solve.
Your actions and words are teaching. What you teach, your child will learn. Simple!
This is something I have to pay a lot of attention to. I yell at my nephews
Children don't unlearn things at the school gate.
If you're raising your voice to get your way, expect your child to do exactly the same in the home, and at school.
By implementing this friendship rule 'No yelling or screaming' in the house, and by sticking to it, you model the standard of behavior and communication you expect your child to learn.
In conclusion,
Remember that a changed society starts with a changed home and there cannot be a changed home if there is no effective parenting.
